As I lay in bed, wide awake at 5 o’clock in the morning, after being startled by the sound of my four year old daughter vomiting (and cleaning her up), I decided to check my Instagram messages. I chuckled as I watched a video sent by one of my dear sisters in Christ, showing a young man washing dishes as God spoke to him. What tickled me was what he assumed it would be like to hear from God versus his reality from actually hearing from God. He wanted to believe that hearing from God entailed a nice little package deal where he would receive specific step by step instructions on what to do and be informed on how the future will turn out. For example, as per the video, God told him to quit his job. The young man wanted to believe that when God told him to quit his job, all would be well because he would receive a weekly check in the mail for $10 thousand dollars, never experience financial struggles, and eventually become rich. However, what he actually heard from God was simply “quit your job” with no plan B or assurances that he would be okay, despite the young man asking “and then what?”

As funny as I found the video to be, I was not laughing two years ago when God told me to quit my job. During a 21 days of personal fasting and prayer for guidance, I felt God tugging on my heart to quit my job and received several confirmations through dreams, scriptures, devotionals, and other people’s testimonies to do so. He even gave me a specific date to turn in my resignation letter. Quitting my job would not have been an issue had it not been for the fact that I was pregnant with my fifth child and my husband and I were in the process of purchasing a home. Long story short, the date I was instructed to resign (which was given to me a few weeks before I even found out about my closing date) just happened to be on the same day we closed on our home. I obeyed God and followed through with His instructions but just like the young man in the video, I had my own ideas of how I thought God would come through and even tried to “help” Him by going on a job hunt. None of my job prospects panned out although some seemed very promising. At this point, having no plan B despite my constant askings of “and then what?…what do I do now? …what’s next?” led me to panic mode and my anxiety level skyrocketed. There were days I felt betrayed by God and was mad at Him. The more I shifted my eyes off of Him, the less I prayed and sought God and the more I complained, which resulted in restlessness, doubt, and fear. I threw several tantrums and demanded that God acted on my behalf but all I heard was silence.

As I wallowed in self-pity and my “woe is me” attitude, the Holy Spirit revealed to me how ungrateful I was acting. I was reminded of the Israelites constant complaining to God and Moses after they were liberated from slavery in Egypt, and was convicted. I repented and decided to reconnect with God by choosing to surrender my feelings, circumstances, and future to Him. It is so easy to have faith when life is perfect, we feel like we’re in control of things, and have a solid A through Z plan. However, we tend to throw all the faith talk out of the window when we are faced with uncertainties and the unknown and instead rely on self.

A year after leaving my job, I found out that my former employer was involved in a lawsuit, which likely would have effected me had I still been employed. When I found out about it, God quickly brought to my remembrance one of the dreams I had during my 21 days of fasting/prayer and all I could do at that moment was raise my hands up in the air and praise Him. In the dream, I was blamed by my employer and the affiliated hospital I rounded in for something I had no knowledge of. Talks of legal actions were also discussed in the dream. I remember waking up disturbed and wondered what the dream could possibly mean but decided to leave it alone. Fast-forward a year later, I understood one of the reasons why I had to leave the job. Not only would I have likely been a part of the lawsuit because of my job description but my career would have been destroyed or greatly impacted negatively if God had not intervened on my behalf. I learned so much about myself, my weaknesses, humility, God’s strength, and God’s provision during that trying time.

Walking the faith walk is so hard and at times anxiety provoking when I choose to take my eyes off of God, but the closeness and intimacy gained with Him is priceless. Many of God’s instructions often make absolutely no sense by human logic. Choosing to be obedient and to trust Him often makes me look like a fool, but God is good; and as painful as it may feel sometimes to follow His leadings, there is always peace and comfort in my obedience. I used to think obedience will eventually lead to greener pastures which would cause me to shift my gaze off of Him and focus on possible outcomes that God never revealed to me; but after failing and having to repeat some of God’s testings of my faith over and over (which is never pleasant), I can finally say & actually mean “Lord may your will be done in my life” whatever that looks like. If walking by faith leads to greener pastures….great! If not, I will still glorify His Holy name because at the end of it all, it is not about me and my wants or desire to live an easy, comfortable life, but is about living a surrendered life for His name’s sake. When it’s all said and done, I want to cross to the other side, tried and true; refined like pure gold after going through the furnace.

Through this ongoing faith walk, I have learned to rely on God and to be obedient regardless of the outcome (good or bad) because the all knowing and almighty God is in control. From my experiences, often times, God will give a partial instruction and will wait on HIS timing to give further instructions of the next steps based on my obedience and the work He is doing within me. During the waiting period, He is building my character, ridding my heart of filth (envy, discontentment, pride, self-reliance, anger, and the list goes on and on), and replenishing the emptiness with His love, patience, kindness, perseverance, self-control, and so on. I am not proud to say that I have failed many faith tests due to my refusal to relinquish to God complete control of my situation and my unwillingness to experience hardships, but thank God for His infinite grace and mercy and the many chances I received to get things right.

Prayer,

Lord, I thank you for your guidance as I navigate through this life. Thank you for protecting me from the unknown as well as myself when I try to pursue things that do not align with and may possibly hinder me from achieving your plans for my life. Thank you for your faithfulness, love, grace, and mercy. Thank you for the many chances you have given me to get things right. I surrender my life and relinquish to you every control. In Jesus’name, amen.

Relatable Verses

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
James 1:2‭-‬4 NKJV
https://bible.com/bible/114/jas.1.2-4.NKJV

And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:3‭-‬5 NKJV https://bible.com/bible/114/rom.5.3-5.NKJV

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls. I Peter 1:6‭-‬9 NKJV https://bible.com/bible/114/1pe.1.6-9.NKJV

These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NKJV https://bible.com/bible/114/jhn.16.33.NKJV

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:5 NKJV https://bible.com/bible/114/jas.1.5.NKJV

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. II Corinthians 12:9 NKJV https://bible.com/bible/114/2co.12.9.NKJV

while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. II Corinthians 4:18 NKJV https://bible.com/bible/114/2co.4.18.NKJV

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, And bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent.” Where is the wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the disputer of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world? For since, in the wisdom of God, the world through wisdom did not know God, it pleased God through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe. I Corinthians 1:18‭-‬21 NKJV https://bible.com/bible/114/1co.1.18-21.NKJV