This piece is not to convince anyone to take the Covid vaccine, as I believe it should be a personal decision. I took it because I round on Covid patients in the ICU and didn’t want to risk bringing Covid home again; but my husband absolutely refuses it and that’s ok. I became infected with Covid last year and was very sick from it. My husband and children were also exposed to it and my husband was also sick,  but thank God the children only had mild symptoms.  This post isn’t really about Covid at all, or the vaccine. It is about the fear of death , whether it’s from Covid, the vaccine, or anything else.

I was discouraged by many people not to take the Covid vaccine due to potential  side effects, unknown reactions that may ensue due to lack of research, and even death. While I believe all of these concerns are valid, I have chosen to simply trust in God’s will for my life. The creator of life knew exactly when I would take my first breath before it came to pass,  and I believe He also knows when I will take my last breath. I wholeheartedly believe that he created me and everyone for a purpose and with His guidance, I will  achieve that purpose throughout my lifetime; whether I live a short life or a long one.  I also believe that until I have fulfilled the purpose for which He created me, I will not die. When  I do die, regardless of the circumstances that cause my death, I believe that it will not take God by surprise and it will simply be my time to go. No vaccine, disease, person, or incidences can take me out before my time; they don’t have that power, God does. If He allows it then it simply was in His plans all along. As a believer in God, I stand firmly on Isaiah 54:17 “ no weapon forged against [me]  will prevail…(NIV).

I will do everything I know is right  on my end to live a healthy life and encourage everyone to do the same. However, I have come to terms with my mortality. I understand that I will not live forever, and I am at peace with that. Whether I die seconds from now or live to 100 years I have hope in Jesus Christ that to die in the flesh is to live eternally with Him. I have had 3 near misses with death thus far in my life: 1 during the postpartum phase of my first pregnancy and the other  2  while driving. Each time would have been catastrophic but God spared my life and prevented bodily harm. If He spared me those times, I trust He will continue to do so until it is time to welcome me home to heaven.

Death sucks and experiencing the death of a loved one hurts tremendously. Just because I have come to terms with my mortality and trust in God’s ultimate plan regarding my life does not mean I take death lightly.  As  Romans 12:15 says “…mourn with those who mourn…” (NIV), it is a natural reaction to feel saddened and grieve when our loved ones depart. The absence of their presence takes a while to become accustomed to and they will always be missed. Because death sometimes comes unannounced, I have chosen to and will continue to live each moment as though I were on my death bed. Death is not to be feared but life is to be celebrated. I celebrate my 5 year old autistic son brushing his teeth on his own for the first time. I celebrate the sweet hugs and kisses of my almost 2 year old daughter, the singing contests between my 2 older daughters,  my husband’s hearty dinners, and so many daily blessings-big and small. Most importantly, I celebrate God’s sovereignty over my life and circumstances.

Though I hope to live a long healthy life and experience every milestone life has to offer, I also understand that life does not always happen as we hope. I surrender my hopes, future, and very life to the one who knows my tomorrow. May His will be done.