O House of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter has done? Declares the Lord. Behold, like the clay in the potter’s hand, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel. Jeremiah 18:6 ESV

Another job interview! I have so many thoughts racing through my mind, could this finally be the end of my drawn out job search?

It had been 18 long months since I  had steady employment and it was beginning to effect my finances. I had completed my Masters degree, passed my state certification test, obtained my state license as a nurse practitioner, applied for hundreds of jobs and attended countless interviews…yet here I stood, still jobless. I had knocked on various doors, and tried to pry open some idealistic windows of opportunities, with no luck. After realizing I could not do it alone, I decided to surrender.

Surrendering to God was difficult because I had to confront my pride face to face and learn to depend on Him. You see, I have always depended on my own ability to support myself and help provide for my family through my work; I never had to trust God in the area of financial provision or my daily bread before. He wanted to decrease my reliance on myself and increase my reliance on Him. He did this by closing up every door for a job for 18 whole months (not just a nurse practitioner job, but any full-time steady job period…I had applied for countless jobs, many of which were unrelated to my degree, but still nothing). During these dragging months, I worked very few hours from my agency nursing job as a result of many cancellations of my shifts; thus my husband was the main provider for a family of 6 in a very expensive city on a teacher’s salary. My family experienced days where after the rent and utilities were paid, there was very little money left to buy groceries. I remember one morning vividly, I woke up and opened the refrigerator to prepare breakfast for my husband before he leaves for work, and there was literally nothing but a couple bottles of water in it. I sighed and uttered under my breath, “Lord, I need your help, I have no idea what I will feed my family today.” Shortly after, while still probing through the kitchen cabinets for something to prepare for breakfast, I heard a knock at the door. I was not expecting anyone, so I reluctantly walked to the door and looked through the peephole. One of my aunts was standing outside so I opened the door. Surprisingly, she had several bags full of groceries in her hands and more in her car…enough to last my family 2 weeks of meals. This is one of countless examples of God’s provision during that rough patch. Needless to say, my trust and faith in God strengthened. I decided, if he could supply food for my family unexpectedly, when we needed it the most, I could certainly trust that He could open the door for a job at the right time. I decided to surrender my frustrations, my wants, and everything to him. I decided to stop applying for jobs and simply trust God for whatever He had in store for me, even if it meant going through another year of joblessness and tight finances.

Once I Surrendered what I felt was the right thing to do (applying for jobs) to rely on God, He showed up.

I reprioritized God as head over my life and sincerely prayed that His will would manifest  in every aspect of my life. When I least expected, God provided an opportunity that exceeded my expectations in pay and knowledge, without my help. I received a random call from a recruiter about a job I did not even apply for and within two weeks I was hired. I had to relocate for the job because it was about 80 miles away from my place of residence. God, in his awesomeness, worked out every detail of the move smoothly, again with no help from me. The property manager of the second rental I  visited agreed to rent me the place, no questions asked, and the lease was signed the same day.

Those 18 months were the most challenging and rewarding at the same time. It was difficult seeing the mountain of bills growing increasingly higher and higher but rewarding when God used random people to bless us without even knowing our situation. I had witnessed the sovereignty of God in ways I had never imagined. Through what seemed to be an impossible situation, I experienced God’s  faithfulness. Through my struggles, I learned humility and felt true  peace that comes from a  completely surrendered heart.  Only after I had reached the end of myself and wholeheartedly surrendered my will, desires, and wants to God did I experience true serenity in the midst of uncertainties.

Jeremiah 18:6 says “O House of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter has done? Declares the Lord. Behold, like the clay in the potter’s hand, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel” (ESV). This verse reminds me that God is ultimately in control of every detail of my life and that as the potter is molding and shaping the clay into what he sees fit, so is God using life experiences, good and bad, to mold, shape, and transform my heart into what He sees fit. He does it all for His glory and for my good.